RAF Banter

A squadron leader, just off on a mission, runs past, and dashes into a Nissen hut

CAPTION: Somewhere in England, 1944

The squadron leader enters an RAF officers’ mess and takes off his helmet

Bovril (Terry J.)
Morning, squadron leader.
Squadron Leader (Eric)
What-ho, Squiffy.
Bovril
How was it?
Squadron Leader
Top hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how’s your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper’s and caught his can in the Bertie.
Bovril
Er, I’m afraid I don’t quite follow you, squadron leader.
Squadron Leader
It’s perfectly ordinary banter, Squiffy. Bally Jerry … pranged his kite right in the how’s yer father … hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper’s and caught his can in the Bertie.
Bovril
No, I’m just not understanding banter at all well today. Give us it slower.
Squadron Leader
Banter’s not the same if you say it slower, Squiffy.
Bovril
Hold on, then. (shouts) Wingco!
Wingco (Graham)
Yes!
Bovril
Bend an ear to the squadron leader’s banter for a sec, would you?
Wingco
Can do.
Bovril
Jolly good.
Wingco
Fire away.
Squadron Leader
(draws a deep breath and looks slightly uncertain, then starts even more deliberately then before) Bally Jerry … pranged his kite … right in the how’s your father … hairy blighter … dicky-birdied … … feathered back on his Sammy … took a waspy … flipped over on his Betty Harper’s … and caught his can in the Bertie.
Wingco
… No, don’t understand that banter at all.
Squadron Leader
Something up with my banter, chaps?
A siren goes. The door bursts open and an out-of-breath young pilot rushes in in his flying gear.

Pilot (Michael)
Bunch of monkeys on your ceiling, sir! Grab your egg and fours and let’s get the bacon delivered.
General incomprehension. They look at each other

Wingco
Do you understand that?
Squadron Leader
No, didn’t get a word of it.
Wingco
Sorry old man, we don’t understand your banter.
Pilot
You know … bally ten-penny ones dropping in the custard … (searching for the words) um … Charlie Choppers chucking a handful …
Wingco
No, no … sorry.
Bovril
Say it a bit slower, old chap.
Pilot
Slower banter, sir?
Wingco
Ra-ther!
Pilot
Um … sausage squad up the blue end!
Squadron Leader
No, still don’t get it.
Pilot
Um … cabbage crates coming over the briny?
Squadron Leader
No.
Wingco, Pilot and Bovril
No, no …
Stock film of a German bombing raid.

Voice Over (Michael)
But by then it was too late. The first cabbage crates hit London by July 7th. That was just the beginning…

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